Friday, June 10
hmm. just thought of something weird. well, thought of it during the camp just now. but i forgot all about it as usual. i've learnt to accept and even like certain songs that previously didn't appeal to me. and i wonder if it's a new development, or i've simply been oppressing some parts of me all this while. like just now some linkin park song was playing on the radio, and i rather liked it, not knowing it was linkin park. okay it didn't sound linkin park-ish. but when i did, i found myself thinking
but i'm not supposed to like linkin park. and when i was thinking of cutting my hair cos my fringe was driving me nuts.. and this girl in our patrol said i look like a girl in her class, only she has short hair and looks good in it, i started thinking about cutting my hair short just to see what would happen. but i caught myself thinking,
i'm not supposed to be the short-haired kind of girl. why does it even matter what i am
supposed to be? people grow up, people change, we cannot be stagnant. although i tend to get a little remniscent and sad when my friends change and i don't
know them anymore. am i keeping myself from changing, from growing, from moving on, simply because i like knowing that people more or less know me? my tastes, my style, my personality. what if i became bimbotic? or cheena? would my friends still love me, still accept me? what if i turned my back on fairytales and painted my nails black? would they brush me aside and forget the person they once knew? why am i afraid to be someone else? maybe there's someone else lurking deep inside me, some dark creature howling to be let out. and i've simply been oppressing her all this time.
or maybe it's just a phase huh.
will you let me grow up?
it must've been love.
8:45 pm
xoxo
